What’s My Love Style?

What’s My Love Style?

There seems to be a national epidemic of people who are scared of love in our country. The science of how people get wired for love knows that there are three different love styles that people acquire early in life. Which one of these sounds like you?

  • I find it easy to get close to others. Depending on them is expected and natural. I can depend on them and they can depend on me.
  • I get a little uncomfortable when people get too close or depend on me. I often need to have my ‘distance’ in my relationships. I worry that my partners will ask too much of me in a relationship.
  • I often feel that my partner does not want to be as close to me as I would like. Secretly, I am always worrying that they will leave me. Sometimes my very desire for closeness drives away people who love me.

Which one is you? If you are in the first group, you have a ‘secure’ love style. If the second one best fits you, you have an ‘avoidant’ love style. And, if the last one works for you, that’s an ‘anxious’ love style.

These three love styles were all programmed into your brain, mostly before you were 1 year old and certainly, before 3 years. For everybody on the planet, these patterns or love styles will affect your ability to find, create and keep great relationships. What’s more, only 50% of people in this country have the first pattern, i.e., a secure love style. That means, for many of us we had to reprogram our brains to attract and keep the love we so long for. Yes, that was me at one time (You can read more about my story, which may be similar to yours, on my Why I Do It page)

The great news for those in the anxious or avoidant camps is that your brain is always willing and able to be programmed to have the experience with love you really want. You can become safer with intimacy and worry less that love will somehow flee from you. If you want to learn more about these three love styles and your ‘brain on relationships,’ then by all means listen to my TV show interview with Dr. Cheryl below.

 

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